This Time Around
by xIMrGibbsIx
Summary: Distance, silence, and everything in between. A boy who knows what he wants and a girl too scared to have it. Rated M for eventual sexual themes.
1. No Labels

The night was so quite and my skin so warm. Raven laid beside me with her breath rhythmically pulling in and out. I loved the roof of Titan's Tower. Every night was so calm and the briny smell of salt water always whipped through the air. I was leaning against the small barrier that separated the flat roof surface from the sheer drop downwards.

Her eyes stared deep into the stars. I wondered what she was thinking, though I didn't truly care. All I cared about was that she was here.

_How did we end up here? _I thought.

_How did I end up with this gorgeous girl resting on my chest. Holding tightly to my uniform._

"So what does this mean, Raven?" My words seemed to bounce off her ears, not that it was unusual.

"What are you doing up here with me?" She sat up to look around with a small chuckle. I regretted her having to release me. I wanted her warmth against me again.

"I don't know Beast." I still wasn't used to being called that, I know it suited me a little more since we were all getting older, but it doesn't mean that adjusting was comfortable.

"I don't know what any of it means, but can we just try to enjoy it? I don't want any labels on this. Maybe I'm just afraid of what it might mean _to_ label it. Please."

Her eyes were so piercing. An unsteady stare that held more questions than answers. So I pulled her back into my arms and let the night sky envelop us once again. Silence was the connection that bound this to reality. I held her, I breathed in every moment possible and committed it to memory as if at any second it could just vanish.

"Just don't push me away. That's all I ask. I don't know if I can take it anymore, Raven." My lips left the plea hanging in the air with nothing to bolster it down.

"I can't promise you anything." It was cold and not what I wanted, but I took it anyway. I'd take anything she gave me. More years of torture, the distant glances when I wasn't looking. Those yearning instants where our eyes would meet. All that mattered was right here, right now.

Maybe things could be different this time around.


	2. Let the Game Begin

**-8:37pm-**

The morning was just the same as always.

I had made my tofu eggs and was about to sit down and watch cartoons when Raven walked into the kitchen.

"I'm hungry." She said with her usual nothingness and opened the fridge door to pull out the tortillas and some cheese.

"You making a quesadilla Rae?" As she turned on the electric stove her eyes were filled with anticipation. Like a starving lion stalking a fat wildebeest, or a quesabeest, wildedilla. Whatever.

At the smell of food, of course the rest of the gang came out.

"Mornin guys. ~UGHHHHHHH~" Cyborg always groaned like that when he stretched. Sounded like a dying elephant.

"Ah…much better. So, what's for breakfast?"

"Well I made tofu eggs, Raven is making a quesadilla, and I assume you're going to fry some bacon and god knows what else that is made of an animal. Just so you know, if I ever get a cat and it goes missing, Imma be knocking on your door first."

"Me? Why?"

"…Dude…when we were on a stakeout you pulled a bag of ribs out of nowhere! Then you continued to eat them while we were being attacked! Now tell me why I shouldn't be suspicious. If you didn't know I was a cow when I shifted I bet you would kill me and throw me on a grill!"

"I might just do that right now, smart-mouthed green monkey."

I jumped up behind Raven who just walked by me.

"You wouldn't like me! I'm too chewy!" My hands on her shoulders brought a smile to her lips and my arms slowly wrapped around her, nuzzling her neck. Her light fingers gripped my wrist as she leaned into me with a content sigh.

I decided to push a little when Cyborg turned around shaking his head with a grin. Muttering something under his breath.

"_About damn time."_ His words trailing off after that.

My lips found their way to Raven's neck, lightly pressing against her pulse. Her body went rigid and her breath caught in her throat. She was going to pull away before my teeth locked down on a patch of skin, a low groan tearing out of her throat.

Then I left her there. Yup. I just walked away and sat down next to Cyborg.

I hadn't even heard her move, not a sound or rustle was made, but her lips were at my ear anyways.

"_You'll pay for that." _The sultry whisper consumed me, sending a shudder down my spine in all the right ways.

Her fingers twined in my hair as I leaned my head back to look up at her.

"Looking forward to it."

**-TT-**

**-2:24pm-**

Today had been relatively boring compared to the days us Titan's have had. I started to feel bad for wanting something to go down, some horrible accident or mugger to go on a spree. A bank robbery. Something, anything! But no. We were stuck in this tower, trying to be adults and be responsible.

No, I'd been responsible enough for one week. I hadn't even bummed money off Nightwing for anything! Not once! Did I get credit though? No. So I decided that, maybe, we should relax. I went to Cyborg and started plotting.

He was in his garage tinkering with some sort of addition to his body. Dumb robot didn't even let me speak.

"Not interested. I'm broke. I'm busy. Maybe later. I have a headache. Any of those answer your question?"

"Yeah, but hear me out Cy. Aren't you tired of the all work no play attitude lately?" He paused for a moment before turning to me, putting his project aside to listen.

"No actually, I've actually been able to get all my crap done. Take a look around you. Noticing anything?" His big arms on his big shoulders made a big arc to make me look at this big room. He was right though, I did notice something.

"Holy crap, where's all your Junk?!" Everything sparkled and shined with nary a grease stain or scrap pile in sight.

"See, now what do you want?" Hand's on his metallic hips.

"Sheesh, impatient talking vacuum. I was just suggesting a little fun. Like a nice game of hide and seek. How does that sound? Hear me out. You and I lock down the main entrances and exits, you put the main power core into your chest compartment, and I take the activation key with me. They have to have both to turn the power back on. How's that sound?"

I was shaking with excitement, that or I had too much sugar. Either way... excitement.

I could see him mulling it over in his head, I could practically hear all the cogs underneath that metal tarp he called his skull. Finally his arms dropped to his sides with a small metallic thump.

***dramatic sigh* **"Fine, I'm in. When do we do this?" That familiar grin spread across his lips, the skin creasing just above his metal chin.

"As soon as that sun goes down over the bay. You cut the power and we take off. Deal, bro?" I held my fist out to his and he bumped it.

"Oh yeah. Deal. If they find you first, you owe me a Pizza." His eyes blazed in trickery as he added his condition.

"Sure, but when they find **you** first, you owe me some burritos."

**-TT-**

**-8:56pm-**

I stood at the front of the main floor. Being so high up, there was a brilliant view of the bay... and the sun. It was a pitched watercolor of blazing orange hues that spiraled above the aquamarine water. Slowly dipping under the water.

Her footsteps gave her away before her reflection in the glass did. She had her arms crossed and pulled tightly into her chest, not angry, just contemplating.

Her eyes were locked onto the floor as she made her way closer. Then her head pressed against the back of my neck, she didn't move, but neither did I. We stood still a moment, soaking in the view. Her lips planted a small kiss on my neck to tell a tale words couldn't.

"Some view." She said, moving to my side, leaning against my arm, head over my shoulder.

"Yup." Then sun vanished over the horizon and the lights cut out. By the time the emergency lights came on, basking Raven in a red glow, I was gone and she was left standing there.

I stood in the darkened rafters as a mouse, watching as Nightwing and Starfire walked out of the elevator together.

"Hey, Raven. What's going on? Cyborg and Beast asked us to meat here." Nightwing said as Starfire looked from him to Raven, asking the same question with her bright green eyes.

That's when me and Cyborg's message came over the large screen in front of them. Both of us speaking in turns, I went first.

"_Our fellow Titans! I bet you're wondering just what we gathered you here for!"_

"_We have decided to play a game of hide and seek, and participation is mandatory."_

"_You see, we've blocked off all the exits and locked down the entire building, leaving you with no power."_

"_Cyborg has the power core."_

"_And Beast has the authorization key. You need both to restore functionality to this building."_

"_**Have fun searching!" **_We both finished in unison, leaving our dumbfounded teammates to start the hunt.


	3. Found You

So... as it turns out, it's really dark in the tower when you turn off the lights. And I'm not sayin' that it was scary, but it was undeniably creepy. Well at first. My normal eyes weren't suited to the darkened corridors of the dead tower. A cat's eyes were though.

I spent a good time skulking around. Looking for a place to bolster down was hard. I mean, it's gotta be a place that's out of the way, easily forgotten, never used, and generally empty. I knew just the place.

On the seventh floor there was an old utility closet along the emergency staircase. I'd used it several times to stash some old equipment that Robin was trying to get rid of. Yes, it was lazy of me to just throw em' in a closet instead of donating them or selling them or throwing them away like he'd wanted, but I was hungry and I didn't have time to bother with that crud. I mean I did have the time, but... come on man. I was hungry!

Anyway, it was perfect. So I holed in there. At first it was nice. A little bit of dust, though nothing unmanageable. Then I started getting restless. A lot of animal instincts dislike small places. Too much like a cage. So I ventured out of the closet onto the stairway. The stairway itself was slightly isolated, but it left me out in the open.

I remembered that with the power out, they'd have to use the stairs to go from floor to floor. It'd take them a while to get down to the seventh floor though, seeing as how the top floor was on the fifteenth. That and I'd be able to hear the door to the stairway open.

The only problem? Portals are mostly silent.

I sat under one of the staircases, invisible to the naked eye in the dark. Yet, as I sat I suddenly heard a whisper in my ear.

"_Found you._"

I whipped around to nothing. Only the darkness that harbored the words. No faded figure or formless shadow. She didn't wait for me to find her.

A groan ripped from my throat as her teeth pulled at the skin on my neck before her lips covered the spot, sliding her tongue over the mark. A whoosh of her cape put her in front of me. I couldn't even get a word out before he arms around my neck. We crashed to the floor, but I didn't care, she didn't either. Why would we?

I scooted us to the wall with my legs so I could lean forward. A growl ripped from Raven's lips as I dug my fingers into her hips. Something about her, maybe it was her demon side, drove me insane with how primal she was. The moment you flip that switch with her there was no calm, not a slowed moment in time, it was a rage of untapped fury. She'd caged so much of her for so long. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to unleash that.

Our lips clashed for dominance. A frenzy of ragged gasps and smothered groans.

"Take your gloves off!" She huffed into my ear, the warmth of her breath in my ear was pure arousal. I flicked off my rough leather gloves and ripped her hood and cloak off before running my fingers into her hair. She pulled a hiss through her teeth when I pulled her head to the side so I could get to her neck.

The moment my lips touched her pulse, she trembled. Then she pulled away.

"Wait! Just hold on." She choked out between her breathless gasps.

"Let... let me do something." It was almost as if she was nervous. Raven, still straddling me, put her hands to my face. The soft ivory of her palms pressed into my cheeks. They were so warm.

"_Close your eyes._" She whispered. So I did. Underneath my lids was darkness, swirling nothingness that faded from blind-spot to blind-spot. If I focused enough I could see the blood pulsing through the capillaries. Her fingertips ghosted across my lips, to my chin, then barely scraping down my neck.

Her hands rested on my chest and she stopped moving. The only thing I could hear was her breathing. Hushed. Restrained. I could feel her start tugging the zipper of my suit down. She pressed her lips to every exposed inch of skin. Each spot left lingering heat.

"I... I think I want this...us." She said. I kept my eyes closed. I had to. I knew that if I opened them that dam behind my eyes would flood. I kept my mouth shut. I had to. If I tried to say anything I knew that my words wouldn't be able to describe how I felt about her saying that.

So I pulled my arms around her back and kissed her. Soft. Slow. And the best part? She kissed me back. It's unbelievable what a kiss can say that words can't.

We kissed. I held her. She let me in. I opened my eyes and first time in years, Raven opened hers.


	4. Fumbling

I wasn't sure how to start. For so long I'd pictured us together, doing things, experiencing new things, and learning to be together. As is it turned out, I wasn't the best at romance. Nothing good would come to mind that seemed like things she would enjoy.

But I was determined.

"Hey, Raven?" She was floating in the common area, meditating as usual. I'd been listening to her weird mantra for a few minutes as I figured out how to ask her _one_ question. Only her eyes opened. She didn't move her head, but just looked in my direction.

"How about we have a day to ourselves. You know. Just me and you." Had to admit that I as proud it didn't come out as a nervous question, more of a suggestion. Made me sound like I might have actually known what I was doing. Didn't stop the entire day from falling apart though.

**-TT-**

**-11:12am-**

**-Picnic-**

She was smiling. _**ACTUALLY SMILING.**_ The blanket was laid out under a shady oak tree whose branches stretched high above us. It was so nice. The breeze was soft, the shade kept the heat away but left us pleasantly warm, and we were both ready for lunch.

I'd made a surprise for Raven. Of all the things that Raven loved in life, her friends, the team, meditation, chamomile, there was one thing that she cherished above all else...waffles.

Yes. Waffles. The fluffy overrated pancakes that go well with syrup, whipped cream, and butter. She loved them. So I made some and packed them with a bottle of syrup. The really expensive kind in the glass bottle? You know what I'm talking about. The good stuff. I had to do dishes to get the money from Nightwing to buy it. I had some money saved after my weeks of being 'responsible', but Cyborg drained all that when I had to buy him his pizzas. The glorified tamagatchi bankrupted me.

"Wow, it's been awhile since I've even been anywhere." She said, still sitting cross-legged on the plaid blanket. I was next to her.

"And this is the first time I've ever seen you out of uniform, Beast." She said while eying me up and down. Raven was right. I hardly ever took it off.

"I know, right? I have several uniforms, actually. I switch them out whenever I need to wash one." Just talking about my uniforms made me think about fighting or phasing. Or fighting crime. That kind of crap: superhero stuff.

"Why don't you ever wear your casual clothes. Nightwing at least wears his uniform under his off-duties. Cyborg doesn't wear clothes. Me and Starfire's clothes _are_ our uniform. So that leaves you, always dressed in purple and black. Why?"

It was a question I knew would come up sooner or later so I'd already had my answer prepared. I know that's dumb, but that's the kind of crap I think about.

"That's an easy one to answer. Alright, you know how, whenever I shift into an animal, my suit is always there when I turn back to normal?" She nodded, her eyes still held onto me as she listened, those lips resting in the cutest curve of curiosity.

"Well that's because it was specially made for me. It's a special type of nano-fiber that is made in the exact same pattern as my genetic structure. So it shifts with me. If I shifted with normal clothes on they'd probably be ripped to shreds. So if I don't wear it all the time, I'll eventually end up standing naked in the middle of Jump City because I just so happened to not wear my uniform that day.

Raven laughed that usual chuckle. One audible huff with a small smile and an upturned gaze.

"Wait, why don't you just wear it under your plain clothes like Nightwing?" She got me.

"Because my uniform has a few more do-dads than his." That was a lie.

"He has a _utility belt_ around his waist and a _wingsuit_ along the arms and shoulders." She said with an eyebrow quirked.

"Okay, I'm a stubborn idiot." I said with a laugh. Raven just chuckled and shook her head.

"So why are you wearing your plain clothes now?"

"Well. You know. I uh... just wanted to seem more casual. We're always on the ready and so serious. I though it'd make this seem more... um... normal?" Again, she shook her head, hood swaying slightly.

"So now you're sitting here out of your element and uncomfortable, trying to make our little date normal. This date being between a half demon and a green skinned, pointy eared shapeshifter?" I deadpanned for a moment before looking away.

"Well when you put it that way it makes me seem kind of dense." Her slender fingers guided my eyes back to her by the chin.

"You are dense, Beast. Now what's in the basket?" Just as she said that her stomach growled. I couldn't help the grin I had as I reached behind me.

"Yes! I was wondering when you'd ask. You're gonna..." As I picked up the basket I could hear a rattling sound. A sound that should not be coming from a basket full of fluffy goodness. My cringe was instant as I hesitantly opened up the lid.

"...hate me. Damn it." Inside of the basket were the waffles covered in syrup...and glass. The bottle had broken. I must have dropped it. I could _feel _my heart sink in my chest. I'm pretty sure Raven could too as she looked over my shoulder to see what had brought me down.

"Oh." At first she frowned. Well, she was always frowning, so I guess she extra frowned? I don't know how to describe it. I'm just gonna say that she looked more 'blah' than usual. I felt so stupid. _So_ stupid. I thought I'd been gentle enough with it during the walk there, but apparently, I wasn't. The waffles weren't even salvageable. Little bits of glass were all over them, that and they were super soggy and gross now.

"Those would've been awesome." Raven monotoned behind me. My sheepish green was the only thing I could offer back. I knew she was hungry, but our lunch had been ruined -by me, but that's not the point- and I didn't have a back up plan. My brain practically smoked as I tried to figure something out. As my brain about caught on fire, a beacon of hope shimmered over Raven's shoulder and it was only a block away. Cheesy, saucy, Italian awesomeness.

"Hey! How about we grab some pizza?"

**-TT-**

**-12:01pm-**

**-Pete's Pizzeria- **

Heaven. Simply, heaven. A fully loaded, large veggie and cheese pizza sat before me in a golden beam of holy light. It was actually just the sun shining through the overhead patio roof. I'd wanted to eat outside because they had tables out there that also had some shade. So why not?

Raven sat across from me with a small, personal-pan pizza and wide open eyes as she watched me scarf down mine. I kinda forgot that the point of a date was to **spend time with your** **date****.** An attempt at talking was made.

"Pho ar woo haain ah gooth thime?" She just stared at me, putting her hand over her mouth to hide a smile. Obviously, I'd forgotten to swallow my food before speaking...because I'm an idiot. I swallowed my food as fast as possible and looked away before repeating myself in a way she could actually understand me.

"SO, are you having good time?" The way she looked at me with that smile blew me away. Those deep purple orbs that always shone through the hooded cleft of her face. Her smile, a half-cocked grin that only pulled at one side of her lips, proving that was trying not to grin.

"I am. I'm having a great time. Still coming to terms with the fact that you can finish a whole large pizza in under two minutes." One more chuckle followed her words before she pulled a stray lock of hair from her eyes and swept it back behind her ear under her hood.

Before I could even tell her that my record was a minute and ten seconds, the ground beneath us shook and shuddered. Not one second later, fire erupted from the street in a haze of destroyed asphalt and maniacal laughter. The laugh was so twerpish and annoying, we already knew who it was before we even saw the small body hanging from the long, spider-like mechanical legs.

"Gizmo." We said in unison. I hated that little brat. And the fact that he'd chosen that day to be an idiot really ticked me off. It had to be that day. No. No, no, he couldn't have put it off until the weekend or waited just a few more hours. He had to start trouble when I was having a wonderful day. Stupid little brat.

"I'll grab his attention, you get his stupid backpack. Deal?" Raven nodded at me and disappeared into a portal to stalk the shadows. Leaving me with two options. My largest forms I had were a t-rex or an elephant. Ha, like there's even a choice there. T-rex!

Every cell in my body fired as they changed their shape. Every molecule bursting with impulses that weren't my own. Before I knew it, I was a massive wrecking ball with sharp teeth.

Gizmo was too focused on laughing and sending cars flying to notice a several-thousand-pound dinosaur charging from behind him.

"Ahahahahaha- OOHF!" The little punk was sent flying as I rammed my head into his backpack, crushing it flat.

"Whoa whoa whoa! You stupid overgrown buttmuncher! You crushed my- **Hey!**" Raven's timing couldn't have been any better as she ripped the pack off the little twerp and compressed it into a ball bearing with her powers. Gizmo went into a screaming fit. _Idiot_ this, _I'll get you_ that. Typical defeated-bad-guy syndrome. Just when his annoying voice got to be too much to handle, Raven chucked the ball bearing that was his backpack at his head. Sweet silence.

I changed back to my normal form and cheered.

"Ha! Yeah! 'Bout time someone knocked that kid out." I'd expected Raven to laugh with me. Cheering wasn't a thing for her and I knew that, but come on. Not one chuckle? She did smile though while shaking her head at me. Then her eyes met mine, bottom lip pulled between her teeth in the _best_ way.

"Beast. I think you forgot something." I hadn't. At least not that I knew off. _Day saved, bad guy knocked out, we're both fine. What am I missing?_ I started looking around me trying to figure out what she meant.

"Raven what are... you..." A sudden breeze reminded me just what I'd forgotten.

"_Oh my god!_" I then promptly transformed into gorilla and hung my head in shame. Apparently I jinxed myself by not wearing my uniform. Damn it.

**-TT-**

**-6:45pm-**

**-Crime Scene-**

Emergency responders were everywhere as the sun went down over jump city. Clean up crews and ambulances were crowded all around the blast center where Gizmo had emerged after robbing a tech firm nearly six blocks away from there.

Cyborg had arrived nearly an hour after me and Raven had diffused the situation, along with him came the rest of the team. More importantly, he brought me my suit. After waiting for an hour as a gorilla, I was finally able to transform back into my normal self and pull my suit on.

Raven walked over to me. I was standing against one of the ambulances, waiting for someone to need my help with _something_, when she found me.

"So." Her single word was all I needed.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I said while putting my head into my hands. I never thought someone seeing me naked could feel like, I don't know what to describe it was, but feel like _that_.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Her laugh made me feel so much better because I really didn't now how to handle that situation. I was just letting her take the reigns. Obviously, I wasn't any good with them.

"It sorta _is_ your fault, you know, since you were to stubborn to wear your suit, but that's beside the point." I looked up at her, only to see a grin spreading across her lips.

"I'm sorry, Raven. This date didn't really go the way I thought it would. I was kinda fumbling everything. I guess I don't really know how to do, um, _this_." She kept listening to me stumble through my apology.

"I wasn't sure what you liked to do, I didn't want to ask and seem like I don't know you, because I do know you and you're awesome. I'm not good at this stuff and I just wanted you to have a good time and I'm a fool." All in one breath. Yup.

She nodded and closed her eyes with a big breath. She looked so gorgeous right then. Her hood was down and the wind was carrying her purple hair behind her shoulders, sweeping to the right. Her gray skin was glowing under the light from the setting sun. When she opened up her eyes, I was stunned. Amethyst orbs caught the stray rays of sunlight and shone with a brilliance that could hardly be matched.

"You _are_ a fool, Beast. Because any time with you is a good time. I don't need dates or food or movies to be happy. I just need you." Somehow her lips had found their way to mine. A soft kiss.

Perhaps I didn't mess things up so bad after all.


	5. I can't

Raven was meditating a few feet away from me, Nightwing was in the sparring chamber, Cyborg was tinkering, Starfire was cooking -which was more dangerous than the sparring chamber- and I was playing video games.

The Titans were in a small lull of inactivity as far as the crime department went. We were trying to enjoy it, but Nightwing wouldn't let us. He said that these breaks were never good because it usually meant that there was a plan being made by our enemies. While he was probably right, it still made him the local buzzkill.

Buzzkill, he may have been, but his advice was still my saving grace. And I needed it. Some thoughts had been circling in my head for a little while. The kind of thoughts that shouldn't hang around, you know? I stood from the couch and shut the game off.

Raven, noticed and put her hands onto her knees, while still floating in the air. Maybe I had a look on my face or she could feel something was up, but either way she knew I was struggling with something.

"Everything alright?" Her eyes were so mystical under that hood. Inquisitive and curious, worried.

"Yeah, just gonna go train with Nightwing, see if I can beat him for once. I need to let some steam off." It wasn't a total lie, but it still tasted sour behind my teeth. Her eyes scrutinized me for a moment before they shifted her gaze and finally closed.

"If you need anything, let me know, Beast." I nodded and walked away.

When I got to the sparring chamber, the sounds from inside were intimidating, but the sight was something to see. Nightwing was doing a full combat session with some of the bots that Cyborg had developed. You could set the skill level to whatever you felt like.

Nightwing always had them set to the highest. Showoff. He was like water, every time one of the three bots got close to landing a blow it would be dodged or deflected or reversed. The impressive part was that he could do that while still doing damage.

His skill had skyrocketed after he dropped the mantle of Robin so that Batman could train another sidekick. The real shocker about that? It was Batman's **son**. Can't really go into details about that, but yeah. Dramabomb. Anyway. I think that Nightwing felt he had something to prove, but not to anyone else. Himself.

And in my opinion, he had done just that. When he had that staff in his hands or when he separated it into the nightsticks, he was unstoppable. Even if you managed to get them out of his hands, he was still dangerous.

When Nightwing finally noticed me, he shouted out _deactivate_, which caused the bots to disengage and return to their places. The dude wasn't even out of breath.

"Hey, Beast. What's going on? I can't believe you actually got your ass down here. He wasn't in uniform, a ponytail held his long black hair and he was dressed in a pretty normal black tank-top and gray sweatpants. If I didn't know who he was, he'd almost seem ordinary.

"Hey Night, I'm just needing to talk about some stuff." Opening up was always weird for me. Yeah it's easy to be happy and make everyone see me -the care-free dude who takes everything easy, but letting someone know that I need some help has always been a hard thing to do.

"Yeah, no problem. Come on, lets go sit down." We headed over to the benches that lined the left wall on the far side of the room. As we sat, I let myself sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"Oh, something's up, huh."

"Yeah."

"Raven?"

"Yeah." I leaned over my legs as we sat, elbows on the knees head hung low. My brain couldn't figure out how to turn my thoughts into words. Mostly, I was just scared.

"Everything alright between you two?

"I'm freaked out, Night. When we started the relationship, god it was wonderful. And it still is, don't get me wrong, it's just... I'm so scared she's gonna pull away from me. I don't know what to do. If she does, I don't think I could take it. You know?" Nightwing nodded at me and rubbed his chin.

"Yeah. I understand. I mean, honestly, we all thought you guys were dating for a while. It just seemed like you guys were together. The looks, little habits I started to notice. Whenever you walk into a room, she changes. It's like her every movement revolves around you. Even her breathing falls in line with yours."

That was all news to me, just didn't pay close enough attention. Sadly.

"Just let me ask you a question. Do you love her?" It hung in the air like a dagger threatening to fall on my little world.

"Yes."

"Then tell her. Ask her for an answer. You two have been going back and forth for nearly four years. I'm sure she knows by now. And if your not satisfied with what she was to say, then do something about it."

What he said made sense, but as I thought of the consequences, I couldn't help but shudder of what might go wrong. Yet what would happen if it went right took my breath away.

–

Raven knew something was up when I came back a few hours later. She was in my arms on my bed, my back was against the headboard and she sat in my lap with her legs stretched out.

"What's wrong." It was like she hadn't even spoke to me, her words were muted whispers in my ears. _How the hell do I start this conversation?_ Was all I could think.

My lips found their way to her neck, pressing to her skin, barely sucking at the point. A flush of blood replaced the spot where my lips had been as I turned her around to face me. She gasped as I pulled her closed for one kiss. It wasn't a frenzy, but a controlled blaze.

Raven pulled away from me as she looked into my burning eyes.

"What's going through your head, Beast." There was no ideal time to lay your heart on the line. There would never be a perfect moment in time to let someone into the very core of you.

"I love you, Raven." Her reaction was not what I'd hoped.

She froze.

"Raven?"

Still as stone, but after a moment, she spoke. Just below a whisper.

"_Don't say that._"

"What do you mean? Raven talk to me."

"Don't say that. Please. Don't ruin this." She spoke louder this time.

"Ruin what?"

"Us, Beast. Don't ruin us. Those words are going to tear us to the ground and set fire to our remains before dancing on the ashes." It hurt. It hurt so much to hear her say that. And at that moment it all changed. The fire in my eyes turned to coal and the beating in my heart slowed to a crawl. I got up from the bed and stood over by the large window in my room, letting my blood run cold.

"I don't understand you, Raven. I know you love me. I know it. And **you** know it!" I couldn't help as my fist smacked into the glass making it crack across it's entire surface.

"Why are you so afraid of this? It's okay for you to _feel _things." I said before turning to face her.

"It's not about what I want to feel. It's about being safe, doing what's right. Love is a powerful, complicated emotion. It's dangerous. With what I'm capable of, I have a responsibility to make sure that power never goes unchecked."

"So, what? You're just supposed to be miserable all your life?" I moved closer and put her hand in mine, holding it over my chest.

"To never know love? Be happy? To never know more than what you keep from yourself?" She ripped her hand from mine, backing up in small steps.

"I am as happy as I need to be with what we are right now. Why can't you just leave it at that?" The gems on her hands started to glow, just like the clasp to her cloak. And I couldn't help my frustration.

"Because I want more! I need more of _you_ and that feeling when our eyes meet. I want you to be _**selfish!**_" My hands were shaking. I'd never raised my voice to her before. Not like that, with true anger.

"I'm not going through this again. I'm done waiting. I _**love**_ you, Raven. And I need to hear you say it. If you're unable... then fine, but I'm done getting hurt." The silence in the air threatened to tear every thought from my mind as my words lingered at the edge of my lips.

My heart slammed in my chest, blood pulses rebounded off every fiber of my being.

"I can't." Raven wouldn't look me in the eye, yet I didn't want her to.

"I guess that's it then." She looked up at me, eyes wide and terrified.

"What no? Beast, don't do this. Please." She walked forward and put her arms on my chest.

"I'm sorry, Raven, you're not ready and I am. It's not going to work. I can't do it." Her amethyst eyes started to water and almost every sound seemed to mute, even the wind stopped whipping around the towers windows. It took every single ounce of me to not kiss her, to take her into my arms and tell her that I didn't care. The truth though, was I did care, and if she wasn't going to admit she loved me, then I would wait until she was able to do so.

"You're all I have. I _need_ you." She was barely able to choke out her words and tears started to trail down her cheeks, it broke my damn heart.

I pulled her hands from my chest, but before I could say anything, she spoke.

"Kiss me." The only thing I could do was stare into her gorgeous eyes.

"Please, kiss me." As much as I wanted to, I couldn't. If my lips touched hers I wouldn't have been able to go through it.

"I'm sorry, Raven." Silence filled the void as my steps carried me out of the door, then out of the tower before shifting into an eagle and flying far from that place. I needed some space. I needed some air. I needed some goddamn time.


	6. She Is to Blame

**-TT-**

**-Four days later-**

**-7:52pm-**

It had been days since I'd returned to the tower. I'd been sleeping at a familiar place. The old hall of Justice that was currently home to the Young Justice team. They were fine with my being there. In fact they welcomed the presence of a hero that was closer to their age. With me having only a half a decade on most of them them. Miss Martian, or as most of her friends knew her: Me'Ghan, had made my suit for me.

She used her own powers of appearance altering as inspiration for my suit. It was good to reconnect with some of them. Me'Ghan was good to talk with. She was a good listener. I'd already told her about what happened and she shared her condolences. But at that moment I was in their training room.

They had a bigger budget than us Titans with them having a strong connection with the Justice League, so there was a _huge_ variety in their sparring gear. There were simulators for light lessons and even robots based off of Red Tornado himself. They were nearly indestructible. I was having a blast.

Usually I can't train my animal combat as well as I'd like, most of my favorite forms are too strong for the bots that Cyborg had made. Those though, they could take the punishment. As a gorilla, I was surrounded by the five I had instructed to fight with me.

One threw a punch at me that was lightening fast, but I was able to put my large forearm up and take the blow. After, I grabbed his arm and shoulder to plant his head into the ground, then put my weight onto my hands to kick the bot behind me before slamming the third bot with the one I had a hold of.

That was three down, two to go. One of the two lunged from behind, wrapping it's robotic arms around my head. My body was too thick for him to get a good hold, so it just clung tightly while landing punches. While the first was laying into me, the second came thundering forward with an overhead punch.

Thinking fast I shifted into a snake before his metal fist could hit me. With the change in size it's fist flew past me into into the bot that was on my shoulders. When that bot fell the ground limp, I coiled around the last bot and shifted into a large python, contracting the banded muscles tighter and tighter until I heard the crack of the chassis and grind of the electronic insides before it lost power.

After I changed back to my regular form, I heard a clapping sound from behind me.

"It's good to see you training for once. Why can't I get you to do that back home?" Nightwing said, laughing while he walked forward.

"How did you find me?" I asked huffing a little to catch my breath.

"Come on, I was trained by _Batman_. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to find you?" I chuckled after he said it because I knew he would be able to. I was counting on it, actually.

"Nope. Just wondering what took you so long."

"Wanted to give you some time, figured you might have needed it. All things considered." The whited-out eyes of his mask looked me up and down before giving me a short snort of a laugh.

"You look like shit." That made me bust up. My appearance I was already aware of. Hadn't shaved, hadn't changed, had trained nonstop since I arrived at the underground compound. My body was covered in bruises and everything hurt, but it was keeping my mind off of Raven.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." For moment, what I wanted to ask wouldn't make it's way from my lips, but I forced it out, trying not to seem as curious as I really was.

"How is she, Night?" He sighed before running his hand through his hair and leaning against the wall casually.

"Not so good. She hasn't left her room and the door is stuck shut, windows blacked out constantly. She hasn't eaten since you left and every time someone tries to talk to her through her door, they're portaled to the living room." His eyes were locked into mine. Night wasn't mad at me, but he wanted me to handle it.

"I need you to talk to her, Beast. She's our strongest member and without her we're vulnerable. And I'm worried about her." Called it.

"If she wanted to talk to me, she would have tracked me down by now. You know she can track auras right?"

"Beast, you know how she is. Raven just isn't going to come to you and try and sort things out. That's not how it works with her. She's just gonna shove it all away and try to ignore that she's feeling the pain." His eyes were so chilling with that mask, his hardline brow lowered enough to tell me that I didn't have choice.

"Damn it... fine. I'll talk to her, but I'm not making promises. If it goes south, if she doesn't listen... game over. She'll have to sort it out alone. Just like always."

"Just like always? Beast, it's not her fault the she has to be care-"

"Don't start with that 'be careful' crap! Raven may not be to blame what she is, but she is to blame with how she acts. She won't let me **in**! Raven barely lets me scratch the surface. It is her fault this ended the way it did, and her view on things aren't going to change anytime soon."

Nightwing went to say something else, but settled for shaking his head.

"Fine, I don't care how you handle it, just do it. You're the only on who can." With that, he left. After a few minutes I heard the screech of his motorcycle as it peeled from the secret tunnel at the base of the mountain. After all of my thinking, Raven's reaction to me coming back was still a guess.

**-TT-**

**-10:05pm-**

The flight from the old hall was a long one, but nice. The view was spectacular, the strip itself though, was exhausting. All of my muscles were aching and the moment I landed on the roof of the tower I had to catch my breath. After my breathing slowed down, there was still the whole '_handle it'_ thing.

_What the hell am I supposed to say? _My thoughts were everywhere, seriously. You could hear them bouncing off the walls of my skull. Eventually, I figured out that there was no real way to go about something like this. Just don't be a jerk was a good start for me.

There was so much dread that built with every step I took. From the roof to the stairs, the stairs, to the elevator, the elevator to the hallway. Eventually it all just built up until I almost decided not to go through with it, but there was nothing to gain by letting the whole situation boil into something it didn't need to be.

My feet were planted in the walkway that went past her door. Nightwing wasn't kidding. Her magic glowed along the door, sealing it shut to anyone who wanted in.

Just like that, all my anger, all that bubbling frustration was gone. All of it replaced by guilt. That familiar sinking feeling shuddered through my stomach.

"_What did I do?_" I whispered to myself, taking small steps towards Raven's room. When I got to the door, I froze. My feet couldn't move and my hands were locked at my sides with words trapped in my throat. Before my words were forced out, the door slid open and Raven threw her arms around my shoulders.

"I love you!" She yelled, my arms wrapped around her waist and I pulled her close to me. Her wet tears rolled down my neck.

"I love you. And I'll be selfish, I 'll say it every day, just stay with me. I can't lose you. Your the only thing that makes my life brighter than the darkness inside me."

Her words burned at my core and I held her tight in the silence of realization.

She loved me.

She loved me.

_She loved me._


	7. Important Shit

This is not an update. I'm sorry. This is an authors note that will be posted to all of my ongoing stories.

For almost five years this site and community has supported me and given me the vital feedback that every aspiring author needs to grow.

This site has been an amazing outlet that helped me through my father's death when I was just fourteen, one year before I found you guys and my calling.

You distracted me through high school and kept me sane by reading all the nonsense that I put to the keyboard and you made me feel like I was important.

I'm twenty years old now and it seems like a lifetime ago that I stumbled across you guys when I was fifteen. Since then I've grown and discovered things about myself I never would have that possible.

These are all good things that I've said, but now it's time for the honest truth.

I don't have time anymore. As many of you can relate, I have a full time job that takes me away from this hobby more than I'd like. I'm also trying to split my time at my job with following my passions in music and writing novels.

I'm not saying goodbye forever. I'm just admitting that I might not be able to continue with this hobby anymore. At least for now. So as of this authors note, this story is on hiatus, as is all my other works.

I may occasionally post one-chapter stories just to fill some down-time that I have, but don't expect any major updates.

Who knows, maybe I'm lying and right after this, a few days from now, I'll post an update to the ongoing series that I have. One can only guess.

I love you guys. It's been a blast.

Keep writing, I'll be reading.

Sincerely,

Anthony Dean Crow (xI MrGibbsIx)


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